Everybody has relationships in their lives. Whether a romantic, business or personal (friendship) one, we’ve all had them before and always will, unless you live as a hermit somewhere of course.
Recently my Ex broke up with me and I felt this could partially be from tunnel vision. Tunnel vision in that she was so focused on one point of our relationship and not the bigger picture, so I think. Now my Ex and I are still friends, we didn’t end negatively, but I have been struggling with life for nearly 18 months for a number of factors. A lot of hardship has been surfacing back to back, something I’ve never dealt with as nobody can prepare for so much at once, and it took a toll on me emotionally, making me feel defeated. This wasn’t the man she fell in love with, but it’s honestly just a dark phase I will pull through. And yes a relationship takes two people, so it’s of course not all my fault but I am partially to blame and definitely take responsibility. But I feel she was so focused on how I am now versus where I will be once things pick up again, which they’re starting to.
But here lies tunnel vision.
I know she was so focused on finding a job in order to pay her upcoming hefty student loans, besides the fact we are now long distance after we were together for two years at school, so all this probably clouded her vision. Perhaps she felt the bigger picture couldn’t happen with my current state I’m in, who knows, but I know I would pull through it. It is what it is, she is still a part of my life and that’s what matters to me. I learned a lot and want her to be happy, just like she wants me to be.
At the same time, I had tunnel vision here. I was only in a negative mentality who acted like there was no way to break out of it. This probably hurt her, putting strain on our relationship. Thinking about it now that’s definitely my issue, I was so stuck in a bad spot. Now I’m doing much better since we split but I still have it a bit. It happens to the best of us, but I know I wasn’t intentionally doing it.
Now here lies a different type of tunnel vision.
Tunnel vision in the job market.
I recently applied for a job, a very different job (non-corporate), for an entrepreneur. This man came off nicely in my first phone interview, although he didn’t let me talk much, which was a sign of tunnel vision right there. He was only happy I had built a nice following on YouTube, but didn’t take notice of anything else. When I had an in-person interview with him, once again he did all the talking. He knows my skills but doesn’t know my work capabilities or me for that matter. A week later he makes me an offer, a very weak one. So I counter and we end up talking on the phone. This time he starts doing all the talking, again, until I stand up for myself and cut him off. I put this man in his place. It felt great as I’m not always one to be like this. During my in-person interview he knocked my schooling and insulted people with mental disorders, two things that really rubbed me the wrong way and I made a mental note of it. Now during this call he says he’s never seen my work before.
You want to hire me but you’ve never seen my work? Never looked at my huge portfolio?
No, he just saw I was popular on YouTube and watched one video. Great employer, right?
Tunnel vision.
As I continue to have a dialogue with this man he ups his offer, still not enough, but keeps putting words in my mouth, saying I’m not capable of things nor want what he wants. Not once did I ever say this. I stood up for myself because I know what I’m worth and nobody is going to talk down to me the way he did. Now I’m no expert at my craft and I’m extremely humble, being fortunate enough to work with many high profile people and companies at a young age, but I know I’m decent at what I do otherwise I wouldn’t have all the opportunities I’ve had. Not to mention I have a Masters and certification, so I must know something, right? The sad thing is that this man is less established than I am, is looking for someone to help establish him, but knocks their credibility. And he told me I’m his favorite applicant, so why insult me?
What kind of businessman is this?
Just texting with him he only reads one sentence out of everything I wrote to him and gets uptight about it. Just a very conceited man too caught up in himself. This wasn’t a man who wanted to know about me, he just wanted to know what I could do for him and that’s it. That’s a negative relationship.
My point of these stories is that tunnel vision in a relationship can be dangerous. We’re all guilty of it as when we are focused on something that’s usually all we notice. But people who let it constantly cloud their judgment are not people you keep around.
Now my Ex was somewhat different and it bothers me if she couldn’t see the bigger picture like I assume because she knows I’m a great guy (she told me that), I could be wrong, but this businessman is his own worst enemy.
It’s great he has a vision, everyone should, but if all you can see is straight and not the bigger picture, you’re going to sink your ship fast.
If you realize you have bad tunnel vision, step back and take a look at the bigger picture. If you can’t do this then you are going to hurt yourself or someone else. Since my Ex broke up with me I’ve stepped back and realized where I went wrong in our relationship. That’s a mature thing to do. Now I wish I did this sooner and realized how my behavior hurt my Ex, but you can’t change the past, but you can change the future. If an employer or anyone for that matter can’t see your true worth, they’re not worth your time. Now I know I could help this guy tremendously, but he insulted me and never took a true interest in me and that is a deal breaker.
Is tunnel vision hurting you or others? If so, change now before it’s too late. If you notice someone else has awful tunnel vision, avoid them if you can or let them know. You’ll save yourself from potential toxic situations.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
I hope this can help you or someone you know.
The Walks of Lyfe 