If there’s anything I learned from my recent breakup it was the fact I stopped loving myself.
My Ex became my world. She was my first love and I thought it was natural to put her first. We were happy together for the longest time, I think so at least. We moved in together after a year, then later moved into a second apartment together. We even discussed getting married and looked at houses and what not. I thought I found my life partner and so did she for the longest time. But I put her on a pedestal as she meant so much to me, perhaps blinding me to her flaws.
Let’s put it this way, I learned my lesson for my next relationship. Although the thought of another relationship right now scares me.
I’m scared because I don’t understand why my Ex left me. I do to an extent but the fact she’s lost all sympathy for me and doesn’t like talking to me much anymore really hurts. We didn’t split maliciously, I never did anything to her intentionally. We became long distance after we both finished school as we are from different states and that perhaps was a deciding factor for her. But she has a ton of baggage and skeletons in her closet that would’ve made a future very tough as we come from two different lifestyles. I did learn a lot from her though over the years. She has helped make me a better person.
But as I said I really lost track of myself. I had my hobbies I enjoyed but they were toxic to me, just spending money on stuff I didn’t need and getting upset with idiots on the internet, so it bothered her. I’ve since cut those hobbies off as they were toxic to me, but now I need to find new hobbies. It’s hard. These old hobbies were a big part of my life at one point. But this breakup has made me do a lot of soul searching.
I’ve started to love myself again a bit, not fully as I’m so not used to being alone anymore, but it’s helping. I’m eating better and exercising to lose weight. I’m selling my collection I spent so much money on so I can put it into savings. And I landed a full time job finally. So there are a lot of positive things coming into my life, but I need to really love myself again.
I used to love myself a lot. I was so used to being single and made the most of it. When I met my Ex we clicked and things went from 0 to 100 really fast. This was a desire I’ve had all my life so it really became my world when I had it. That’s why losing it is so hard to comprehend. But I need to get back to that point again.
To be honest, I don’t want to be there again. Being single again is scary. I had a partner for 2.5 years, so to feel this way again is weird. But I’m in a much better place now than I was. My lifestyle is healthier and this is what I need to come to terms with. My life can only go up from here. My Ex clearly wasn’t right for me and it’s unfortunate because I do care about her but she helped turn me into the right person.
I need to invest time in myself. I need to find what makes me happy. What makes me healthy. What makes me motivated to cease the day everyday. So that way I can attract the right partner this time. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. This is the advice I’ve been told numerous times and have come across online. It’s hard to understand right now but it’s true. If you’re not your own person how can someone else love you?
So if you’re in this situation. Invest time in yourself. Don’t jump into another relationship to fill the void as clearly you’re not ready and will hurt yourself and your partner. The right person will come along eventually. Just spend time with friends and family and most of all, yourself. You have to be happy with you first. This will take time, trust me, I’m going through it right now myself. Wake up everyday happy, thankful for where you are and how far you’ve come and remember there’s better things waiting for you.
The Walks of Lyfe 