If you’ve ever been in a breakup with someone or divorced, etc. you probably realized that your Ex is no longer the person you fell in love with however long ago.
If you haven’t been in this situation props to you, but it is something to keep in mind. They say you don’t know your partner until you break up or get married.
As you know by now if you’ve read all my posts, my Ex broke up with me after we were together 2.5 years. We lived together, talked about getting married and everything. Well she broke up with me a month ago and we did no contact and such. I extended it as I felt I wasn’t healed yet.
So I reached out to her the other day to tell her I landed a job. She was nice about it. Then I went on to apologize for breaking the no contact and she was kind of mean and short. She was somewhat distant as well. It bothered me and it hurts. She offered friendship when we broke up, so I figured ok after a month she’ll cool down and we can start being friends.
Wrong.
Apparently according to her it will take more than a couple months to be friends…about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Yes we are coming off a fresh, long relationship but we had a very good friendship. I am never one to act differently towards people I really care about, so I was warm towards her and it made her fear I thought we would have another chance, which is true I did, so it bothered her a lot. What I don’t get at all is where the foundation you built over many years suddenly goes, especially when you didn’t do anything negative to her. It’s sad.
So I decided to do some homework on this. And it’s a little eye opening. After a breakup the dumpee is usually delusional about a lot of things. An article I found was spot on. My Ex seems so happy without me as she’s now wearing makeup and working out way more than she did when we were together. Not to mention she’s way over our relationship supposedly.
In one of the articles I read it said that the person your Ex was during your relationship has passed away and a new soul has taken over their body. They may look the same, but they’re not the same person inside. And this makes a lot of sense the more I think about it, but it’s also really sad. It talked about how during your relationship your partner will act differently as they want to be in their best form and adopt to the way you are and vise versa. So when you breakup and they move on, that form of them vanishes. That’s not how I am necessarily. What changed about me are all the negative traits I came to acknowledge after my relationship that are now gone, but my attitude towards her isn’t changed. I would never suddenly be disrespectful to someone I loved for over 2 years, that’s just not in my nature.
If you notice this about your Ex it’s a really rude awakening. They may be mean or the total opposite of who they were. You just feel like asking them “who are you?” It’s kind of scary. If you cheated or abused them that’s a different story, but when you just split over something minor and they act different it really hurts. You feel like you’re walking on egg shells. And I don’t know how else to talk to her than how I always did. She wants me to not be emotional when I speak to her, but I’m just a kind person. She was my first love so it’s a huge learning experience for me. I just don’t get how someone can change so drastically. You may even feel like they never really loved you, but that’s most likely not true. Especially if your relationship lasts for a long time. So don’t put that in your head. They wouldn’t last with you as long as they did if they didn’t have any feelings for you.
And remember a relationship is a two way street. If they get on the sidewalk and go another way that’s on them. You may never understand their reasoning, I know I won’t, but you have to accept it and respect their wishes. Especially if you want to have a friendship eventually. Letting go is the hardest part and seeing the person you loved turn into someone else is heartbreaking. But their true colors came out and that’s who they really are. You just have to accept them for who they are and decide if they’re still worth keeping around.
If you haven’t gotten to this point, and I hope you never do, take a good look at your partner and ask yourself if they’re really the person you think they are and someone you’d like to spend your life with.
So take a deep breath and relax. People change for the better or worse. They may try and tackle their insecurities while separated. Just wish them well, be the bigger person and do your best to move on, as hard as it is. And remember they came into your life to teach you something, even if you don’t realize it now, they did much like you taught them something.
Life works in mysterious ways. It really does. You may never truly understand it but you’re learning along the way. Just keep on keep in’ on.
The Walks of Lyfe 